what i didn't expect.

some of you may have already heard about my recent awkward encounters with my next-door-neighbour. she is a sweet and very old woman and aside from occasionally seeing her in the porch or the laundry room, we never seemed to have much contact until a few weeks ago.

it started with a knock on my door and her waiting to speak to me about my mom. she told me we were related and that mom was her aunt...it struck me as bizarre since, a) mom had never mentioned any relations in my building and b) this woman is much older than my mother. either way, i didn't want to confuse my neighbour further so i just played along until it was time for me to go to work.

what followed over the next few days were occasional knocks at the door from my neighbour. she wanted to see me or she wanted to come into the apartment. then her visits to the door became more frequent and she seemed more insistent to enter my home. the only thing i could do was to ask my landlord to contact her children so that they may help ease her confusion and keep her company.

about a million questions crossed my mind: "why is this woman alone?", "what if she wanders off and puts herself in danger?", "does she have many visitors?". none of my questions were answered. i never ran into my neighbours' children to ask them these questions.

i can only assume that my neighbour is, whether in her apartment or not, safe. she has not been to my door in over a week and i hope it is because she's been given the company or the care necessary to keep her occupied and safe.

my first job was at a nursing home. it was my job to feed the residents. many of the residents suffered from alzheimer's disease or dementia; some of them, parkinson's disease. it often happened that those i fed thought i was a grandchild or relative of some sort and the nursing staff advised we just politely play along but concentrate on getting the patients to eat. while i was incredibly sad and confused regarding my neighbour and her living situation, i was also slightly bothered that my day revolved around when she happened to be knocking. i didn't want to leave the apartment when she was standing right outside the door - i felt uncomfortable. it seemed i had forgotten all that i had experienced as a fifteen year-old at the nursing home.

then i picked up a book at the library. i didn't have a clue what the book was about but i did recognize the cover from a recent visit to coles bookstore. my aunt, to my mom, had also mentioned that she couldn't put the book down - i just couldn't remember what it was about.

the book is lisa genova's novel "still alice". it's a new york times bestseller and while it is a book about a successful woman having been diagnosed with early-onset alzheimer's disease, it's offered me a new way of looking at the current situation in my hallway. it's also given me a different pair of eyes to look with at my neighbour and what she might be experiencing or feeling.

i am aware that i am not a medical professional and that i do not know the exact details of what is amiss in my neighbour's brain. i also know that this novel is not a study or journal on elderly women dealing with confusion but the confusion and disorientation experienced by the main character in "still alice" might be something akin to what the woman next door experiences. either way, the book is breaking my heart and i feel guilty for ever having felt slightly annoyed by my neighbour.