moving on.

dance away the blues


friends and readers,



i am in the midst of moving my blog for reasons i prefer not to disclose. if you would like to know the new address, feel free to send me a message on facebook or e-mail me.



love, coffee and clean sheets,
jb

what i didn't expect.

some of you may have already heard about my recent awkward encounters with my next-door-neighbour. she is a sweet and very old woman and aside from occasionally seeing her in the porch or the laundry room, we never seemed to have much contact until a few weeks ago.

it started with a knock on my door and her waiting to speak to me about my mom. she told me we were related and that mom was her aunt...it struck me as bizarre since, a) mom had never mentioned any relations in my building and b) this woman is much older than my mother. either way, i didn't want to confuse my neighbour further so i just played along until it was time for me to go to work.

what followed over the next few days were occasional knocks at the door from my neighbour. she wanted to see me or she wanted to come into the apartment. then her visits to the door became more frequent and she seemed more insistent to enter my home. the only thing i could do was to ask my landlord to contact her children so that they may help ease her confusion and keep her company.

about a million questions crossed my mind: "why is this woman alone?", "what if she wanders off and puts herself in danger?", "does she have many visitors?". none of my questions were answered. i never ran into my neighbours' children to ask them these questions.

i can only assume that my neighbour is, whether in her apartment or not, safe. she has not been to my door in over a week and i hope it is because she's been given the company or the care necessary to keep her occupied and safe.

my first job was at a nursing home. it was my job to feed the residents. many of the residents suffered from alzheimer's disease or dementia; some of them, parkinson's disease. it often happened that those i fed thought i was a grandchild or relative of some sort and the nursing staff advised we just politely play along but concentrate on getting the patients to eat. while i was incredibly sad and confused regarding my neighbour and her living situation, i was also slightly bothered that my day revolved around when she happened to be knocking. i didn't want to leave the apartment when she was standing right outside the door - i felt uncomfortable. it seemed i had forgotten all that i had experienced as a fifteen year-old at the nursing home.

then i picked up a book at the library. i didn't have a clue what the book was about but i did recognize the cover from a recent visit to coles bookstore. my aunt, to my mom, had also mentioned that she couldn't put the book down - i just couldn't remember what it was about.

the book is lisa genova's novel "still alice". it's a new york times bestseller and while it is a book about a successful woman having been diagnosed with early-onset alzheimer's disease, it's offered me a new way of looking at the current situation in my hallway. it's also given me a different pair of eyes to look with at my neighbour and what she might be experiencing or feeling.

i am aware that i am not a medical professional and that i do not know the exact details of what is amiss in my neighbour's brain. i also know that this novel is not a study or journal on elderly women dealing with confusion but the confusion and disorientation experienced by the main character in "still alice" might be something akin to what the woman next door experiences. either way, the book is breaking my heart and i feel guilty for ever having felt slightly annoyed by my neighbour.

here we are!

i hope you have your batman and care bear cards ready for the big day coming up! it's nearly valentine's day! whether or not you're a fan of celebrating the love in your life on a day of chocolate and things dyed pink and red, it's nearly impossible to ignore the day of st. valentine. the diamond advertisements on the television are turned on full-crank. every shopping centre or store is exploding with pink confetti and cards. restaurants are pushing their two-for-one specials and even the liquor store is urging us all to partake in a fuzzy night of wine-lovin'.

really, it's not such a terrible day. i have never been a turbo-fan of february 14th but i wouldn't like to see it leave. so many people genuinely enjoy it and look forward to it. it'd be a shame to deny the hardcore lovas their traditions and reasons for sporting lacy underpants. it'd be an enormous blow to hallmark's income...i'd have less chocolate-y snacks in my cupboards...but still, i can't help but feel antsy and strange on v-day.

my tenth-grade love, r., broke up with me just a day before valentine's day. i had also just had dental surgery a few days before and my face was super-swollen. he's lucky it's funny now.

in the eleventh grade, my boyfriend (aka candle) told me he loved me and gave me a ring. we had been dating for about two months. things didn't last much longer after that...

lovingly and wonderfully, my official high school sweetheart, for the v-days we shared, made for awesome february 14ths. i think it was the hand-made cards and mixed cds that really did it...and the treats, clearly.

then came the whirlwind of undergrad years + loves. i had seen my fair share of drama and disaster and never really spent v-day with anyone super-special...except for one year, when m. and i chose to don our gum rubbers to nicky zees in the middle of a hailstorm. pitchers and pitchers of molson canadian later, we threw our purses at the boys on the dancefloor and gum-rubbered it home.

last year i spent valentine's day between a waiting room and an i.c.u. unit. so did my parents, my sister and my grandparents.

this year i am determined to shake off my pink-and-red blues (!) and forget about some biting past memories. that doesn't mean i'm about to go hardcore and send a dozen roses to myself from a secret admirer (i have less funds than that allows) but i am happy knowing that those i do care about know how i feel (almost) every day of the year...and on st. valentine's day, they just get to know my sentiments in a more unusual way for day-to-day living. when i figure out how to tell them all in some spectacular way, i'll let you know.

for now, as a not-so-subtle hint to my friends and readers, if you are feeling loving thoughts (or even just luke-warm thoughts) for me, my valentine's day would be complete with a box of chocolate-chip cookies, a bottle of wolf blass yellow label riesling and a pillow-y nest.

weekend listening

happy end-of-lazy-sunday, fellas and foxy ladies!

i hope you all enjoyed a lengthy weekend and that you dressed appropriately for the weather.

my weekend was fantastic and i will tell you why:

three sheet
and
ben caplan & the casual smokers.

like classified and buck65? enjoy three sheet.

love a little tom fun in your life? check out ben caplan.

i was lucky enough to be introduced to both groups at a fundraising event at work. these two groups contributed sets to draw a crowd to said fundraiser and my kilt was nearly flung off thanks to their sweet, sweet sounds.

not only was a pretty penny raised for OXFAM canada's contributions to haitian earthquake relief BUT the entirety of staff working at the pub witnessed something much more magical than any cover band's rendition of don henley's "heart of the matter" (forgiveness!). seriously. while all staff seemed to throw down whatever was in their hands in favour of head-nodding and knee-jerking to three sheet, the door staff agreed that ben caplan & the casual smokers are best paired with a pirate ship and an enormous mug of mead.

mead, kilts, boats or no, enjoy these two (local!) talents. you'll not regret it.

links here:
http://radio3.cbc.ca/#/bands/Ben-Caplan-The-Casual-Smokers

http://radio3.cbc.ca/#/bands/Three-Sheet

you're not awesome: the subtle edition

sappy girl; happy girl

one of my favorite pictures ever.

ever wake up with a major case of the sooks? that was the case for me this morning. after a blissful, warm and bundled sleep i woke up on the sappy side of the bed. i'm not sad and i'm not upset about anything, i just feel incredibly emotional and have such an enormous urge to spill some guts and squeeze more guts and witness something lovely...

so i was so, so glad to come across the lovely m.'s blog post, "warning" (link here:
http://no-hometown.blogspot.com/2010/01/warning.html). it offers just the right amount of mushy-love and happy reminders to spring a sooky tear and to remind me of how lucky i am to have the loves of my life where they are. she's right; human beings go through such difficult times. the lucky ones have friendship and love when there's only a dribble of cold tea left in their cups. blankets, pillows and an enormously squishy bed offer one sort of comfort but this fluffy stuff offers nothing in comparison to comfort coming from good people. because of m. and her spill to her wonderful bf, i am inspired to think about why i love one of my favorite people.

the sister: just because we're related isn't enough of a reason to tell you how fantastic you are. you are my favorite supper friend (by far) and i do not know anyone in this world as generous and as thoughtful as you. you've literally given me the clothes off of your back (multiple times) and you always let me dip into my often-foolish fantasy situations with a smart reminder of how awesome my reality already is. you're someone who keeps mum when you're sick so that i don't worry and who will, despite your often-shy demeanor, fight viciously for me when i've been hurt. we've been through hell together and we've fought over the most ridiculous things. my only regret is that i should have taken a lesson from you when we were toddlers and learned to share then instead of now. you've gone from some sucky situations yourself (ah, highschool) but you've grown to be such a mature, pulled-together and smart little lady. mom and dad are always telling me how proud they are of you and your life. they remind me constantly how they never worry about you because they know your smart brain will keep you safe. because our schedules are both so bizarre and busy we do not see each other as much as i'd like but i am insanely glad to know that you are living a super-exciting life. you were my most favorite roommate ever (yep!). you are my favorite person on this earth. i love you because you are a strong little ox of a lady who never compromises your ethics or beliefs because of a sucky time. i love you because you are silly and wonderful and if we were not related i would follow you around and ask you to be my friend. every little bit about you is the best...even if you don't like fruit very much and you sound like a bear when you're sick.

i hope no one scream-barfed due to all of the mushiness in the post...but really, i don't care. it helped relieve some of the sooks and i think this confession is long overdue. sister, you are the best and i don't tell you enough. xo.

shrill thrill

aaah i love today.

i love today because i was so wonderfully granted the night off! that means many lovely things but it especially means that i do not have to work a student night at the pub! ...and that leaves my evening open to see the super-groovy mellotones at the seahorse pub.

my first visit to the seahorse was exactly one week ago when childhood friend m. took me to see the mellotones, his favorite cover band in halifax. i had heard his rave reviews of their past shows but never seemed to get the right nights off in order to experience them for myself. truthfully, i am not a huge fan of most cover bands. mind you, there are a select few cover bands floating around halifax that i genuinely adore. the pub only seems to book cover musicians so i've learned enough about who plays what to know who can get me excited to go downtown. soul kitchen, for example, is my favorite band to play the pub as their talent is huge but their ego is not. anyway, i was a little leary for the mellotones because i felt as if i'd seen what there is to see of cover bands. i had my favorites and that's that.

um, i was completely blown away.

they had about nine people on stage. the singer switched back-and-forth between his vocal chords and his sax. there were a row of brass players and every single person on stage looked to be having the best time. could have been the whiskey but i think i fell in love with a new band last week, and, like a young pup in love, am so freakishly eager to see these fellas play again.

mostly, i'm looking forward to more marvin gaye covers...everyone needs a little more sexual healing anyway.

january 20th.

january 20th marks a rather scary day in my family's history as it was exactly one year ago that daddio's hellish cardiac journey started.

despite the fact that i am feeling incredibly wobbly and sobby today, there are some pretty positive words from an impossibly optimistic man which are currently turning my day from sombre to celebratory.

dad told me that he feels proud today. he knows what he is physically and mentally capable of; he knows that "his girls" will live good lives, too. he knows there are a million things to feel grateful for and the most important part about any day of the year is that we're all in one, collective piece. he reminded me, too, that living in the sad and scary past, especially when there's a particularly bright future ahead, only does more harm to an already-healthy ticker.

today's a pretty sweet day.

hold the phones (i'm holding mine)!

technological update: i've rejoined the rest of the cellular world and broke down to purchase a cell phone a few days ago. my last experience under cellular contract was not pleasant, especially given a contract apparently laden with cement as my long-distance needs were impossible to accommodate. alack and alas, i tossed my cell phone and my need for it in the digital trash once i moved from fredericton to halifax. months passed, friends chuckled, parents worried and employers pulled their hair out and finally, four days ago, i went for it. rejoice, friends and family! i've now become a reachable citizen!

my newest love(s) are brits.

thanks to one wonderful male friend of mine i am now aware that the band mumford and sons exists. wikipedia tells me they're an "english folk band from london" but my ears tell me that, regardless of where they're from, mumford and sons are going to make me happy for a long time. see for yourself! click on the link below (or copy and paste it) to taste some "little lion man". you won't regret it.

once again, holla to the fellow who introduced me to mumford and sons. my life's been tap-happier because of it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLJf9qJHR3E