kiss and a cuddle.

one of my former roommates told me about the term "kiss and a cuddle", something she once picked up from a charming, english "bloke" (tee hee) she used to have downtown run-ins with. i never had a chance to meet the man who coined the term but this of him i know: he politely (and frankly) admitted an interest in this former roommate by asking her to take part in a "kiss and a cuddle" after a lengthy post-bar walk-and-talk.

after the bars closed this roommate and the english man strolled around for a while before reaching our old, paint-chipped stoop. when offering a farewell (apparently) felt unwanted, this stoop-standing man pulled up his brave socks and asked for the human contact and closeness he craved. the honest presentation of his desire, while sounding slightly silly, was endearing (and clearly attractive) to my former roommate...she let him inside...where they kissed and they cuddled. a good time was had, boundaries were kept and comfort levels were high.

i have a friend in halifax who is a handful of years older than me. he is often distraught over his lack of human contact due to little self-confidence and lots of fear. this friend is musically talented, a good conversationalist and is kind. he is handsome in a scruffy sort-of slept-in way, which is not unfavorable to many. he knows a lot (LOT) about groovy tunes and worthy films and should, technically, not have much trouble in feeling satisfactory levels of physical closeness with his preferred sex. when honest about his wanting to "kiss and cuddle" he often ends up with more than he'd like to bargain for in the forms of lines crossed and uncomfortable exits.

another friend of mine was temporarily sharing a hotel room with a group of friends while he got settled into a new house. one girl out of the group had been suggesting romantic interest in this particular friend and had the courage to place herself next to him in bed after a night out. they had kissed on the dance floor, there had already been agreeable contact made, but when she asked if he would mind sharing the bed for a "cuddle" he grew fairly annoyed and labeled her as "needy".

what is so off-putting about being honest about one's wishes and setting personal, physical goals to ensure safe conduct? it is perfectly fair to disagree with a person's opinions and wishes and make oneself clear of it (no means no!) and it is fair to ask for compromise or clarity where communicative-muck interferes...but i also feel as if making assumptions (especially those regarding the physical comfort levels of others) is highly offensive, potentially hurtful and ultimately dangerous. example: if you are craving something sweet but compact (such as a piece of chocolate or a cookie) and you are then forced to consume an entire five-pound bag of sugar, are you likely to feel satisfied or sickened?

this is, i think, a rant on behalf of the potential loveliness of the "kiss and a cuddle" and the lack of certainties and good practices contained in the act of jumping to conclusions. oh, sure, if a kiss and/or cuddle is requested and happens to develop (agreeably on all accounts) into contact socially-considered as more intimate (than kissing and cuddling alone), that is dandy! however, if a "kiss and a cuddle" is the clearly-stated, do-not-want-more-than-this request: accept it! enjoy it (you might not have this lovely person with you for very long)! if it's not something you're into, leave (kindly)! and, most importantly, stick to the rules!

i wish i knew more people who've had times similar to the good experience shared by my former roommate. maybe with more frankness in discussing likes/dislikes and minds wide open some better connections and cuddles can be made.